KAOS Factor
by xevious
Summary: A PpG/Get Smart Crossover. The evil spy organization, KAOS, led by the diabolical Siegfried, have set up shop in Townsville. It's up to the Girls to flush them out. Written with the same style humor as the classic TV show. (Sorry, no Max or 99 in here.


KAOS FACTOR

'KAOS FACTOR'

  


By 'Xevious' Pat Banks

  
  


A Get Smart/Powerpuff Girls Crossover

EXT. TOWNSVILLE SKYLINE - EVENING

[Skyscrapers of various height are in the distence. Many of them are still being built and are mere skeletal structures. Zooming in to the base of one, we see several construction workers gathered in a crowd. They are watching their foreman nail a flyer to a wooden privacy fence. Zoom in on the flyer which reads "Union Meeting Next Tuesday. Attendance Mandatory."]

INT. TOWNSVILLE UNION HALL - EVENING

[The mandatory gathering of the Townsville Construction Workers Union is now taking place. Seated in the audience on folding chairs are several hundred workers. They are wearing yellow hard hats along with blue jeans and white t-shirts. Panning around, we see a stage with a large podium placed in the middle. From off-stage a man strolls to the podium. With slicked back black hair and a mustache, he bears a striking resemblance to Doc Bricker of 'Love Boat' fame.]

MAN: Welcome, gentlemen, to our last quarterly meeting. I would like to open things by thanking everyone for electing me as your president for my third straight term. Being an outsider, I never expected to be received as warmly as I have. I will miss you all.

[Pan back to the audience, where a series of construction workers stand and yell.]

WORKER 1: We didn't care where you came from as long as you kept delivering the goods.

WORKER 2: Yeah, I can't believe you actually sprang for the padded folding chairs. After sitting around on hard steel for eight hours a day, it feels good to have something with a little cushion underneath. 

WORKER 3 (tugging on his shirt): These t-shirts are whiter than white. One hundred percent cotton! (He turns to the man next to him.) Feel this Maurice. Softer than a baby's bottom and easier to clean.

WORKER 1: And the hard hats actually work! (He grabs a hammer and smashes it over his head.) Last time I did that I was out for hours. Look at me now. I'm still conscious! (He hits himself with the hammer again.) I could do this all day and not feel a thing!

[Pan back to the stage.]

MAN: I'm glad you all like the improvements I have made around here, but sadly, with my term about to expire in less than a week, I will no longer be able to remain your president. I have a higher calling that I must answer.

WORKER 2: You mean….

MAN: That's right, I'm off to climb Mount Everest.

WORKER 3: We need you here, Siegfried!

SIEGFRIED: I'm sorry, but being the president of a union is just too dangerous. I need something a bit safer to occupy my time. Now if someone would dim the lights, I would like to leave you with some words of wisdom.

[As the room darkens a large projection screen lowers from the back of the stage. Siegfried picks up a remote from the podium and points it at a slide projector sitting on a small stand to his side. Pan to the screen where the first photo appears. It shows the Powerpuff Girls battling Mojo in his Robo Jojo. Several buildings have been demolished and fires have sprouted up in many locations.]

SIEGFRIED: As you can see, the greatest asset the union possesses cannot be valued monetarily. Thanks to the Powerpuff Girls, we are the only construction workers union to see an increase in membership every year for the past six years. 

[He clicks the remote. The next picture shows the Mayor congratulating the Girls on their victory. They are surrounded by rubble from the destroyed buildings. A sign that says "Townsville Waterfront District" lays to the side.]

SIEGFRIED: The Mayor has been more than happy to supply us with all the funding we need to rebuild Townsville whenever the need arises. Since we have such a large influx of city funds, I knew that shrewd leadership was needed to funnel the money in the right direction. What you have commented on here today has been only the tip of the iceberg.

[He clicks to the third picture showing a construction unit busily rebuilding a skyscraper high up in the clouds. One worker is lying on a beam, flat on his back, with a hammer in his hand and a large dent in his hard hat.]

WORKER 1 (heard from the audience): What did I tell ya? I was out like a light!

SIEGFRIED (quietly): Yes, so you where. (He clears his throat.) As long as the Powerpuff Girls continue fighting evil we will continue to rebuild Townsville. And with this never ending lack of work I see only glorious possibilities. Gentlemen, with or without me, the future is yours!

[Pan to the workers in the audience. They are now on their feet cheering wildly as Siegfried steps out from behind the podium and takes a bow. He then raises his arms asking for silence.]

SIEGFRIED: As a going away present, I would like you all to stand and sing our union's fight song like you never have before. 

[Cut to the workers. They stand and, placing their arms across one anothers shoulders, start swaying back and forth.]

WORKERS (singing): If we had a hammer, we'd hammer in the morning. We'd hammer in the evening. We'd hammer all daaaay….

SIEGFRIED (quickly exiting the stage): That should keep them occupied for the next half hour. 

[Cut to behind the stage. Siegfried stands in a dark corner and removes a screwdriver from his black leather jacket. He unscrews the top and pulls an antennae out. The tool starts to ring as he holds it up to his ear like a telephone.]

SIEGFRIED (speaking into the screwdriver): This is Siegfried calling Mr. Big. Come in, Mr. Big.

[A squealing feedback from the screwdriver phone causes Siegfried to wince. As the interference lessens he rolls his eyes in disdain.]

SIEGFRIED (to himself): I told them to use the Phillips kind. Do they listen to me? Nooo! They have to save a few pennies and go with the flathead. I can't believe those cheap….Mr. Big! So nice to hear your voice. This is Siegfried reporting from our Townsville front.

[A indistinguishable mumbling comes from the screwdriver.]

SIEGFRIED: Yes, everything is set. The Powerpuff Girls are going to be the Mayor's guests of honor at tomorrow's opening ceremonies. The last of our agents are in place. (pause) Yes, of course. They are the last two viable targets. With a little bit of encouragement, neither will be around for long. And once they have been eliminated and Operation Grand Slam has been completed, we plan to leave this town as quickly as possible. If I am not mistaken, we have cleared an estimated six hundred million dollars with this latest scheme so far. It has been our most profitable venture to date.

[The indistinguishable mumbling grows louder.]

SIEGFRIED (Throwing his fist into the air.): KAOS shall rise from the ashes to once again become the most well known secret spy agency the world has ever seen! Siegfried out!

[He pushes the antennae back into the screwdriver and sticks it in his pocket.]

SIEGFRIED: Now to finish with those simpletons.

[Cut to the stage where Siegfried reenters from the side.]

WORKERS (still singing): If we had a lathe, we'd lathe in the morning. We'd lathe in the evening. We'd lathe all daaaay….

SIEGFRIED (under his breathe): Give me strength. Only seventeen more verses to go.

EXT. TOWNSVILLE WATERFRONT DISTRICT - AFTERNOON

[The Mayor and the Powerpuff Girls are standing on a wooden platform. Band music can be heard in the background. The Mayor is holding a pair of oversized scissors. Stretching across the platform is a giant blue ribbon with the words "Grand Re-Reopening" on it. A large crowd has gathered in front to witness the festivities. The Mayor steps up to a microphone and begins to speak.]

MAYOR: Welcome, citizens, to the re-reopening of the Townsville Waterfront District. (the crowd applauds) We have made vast improvements since our last rebuild, which, I have to admit, was a whole lot better than the original set up. You know what they say, the third time's the charm. But I digress. Girls, since you are responsible for this great occasion, I would like you to have the honors.

[The Powerpuff Girls float over to the Mayor, take the scissors, and, in unison, cut the ribbon. The Girls smile as cameras flash. Panning to the crowd, we see a throng of people disperse down a cobblestone street toward a myriad of small shops and restaurants. Pan back to the Girls and the Mayor, who are still on the platform.]

MAYOR: That was a doozy of an opening. You know, this is the part of mayoring that I love the best. Balloons, ribbons, oompah bands, no wife hanging around. 

BUTTERCUP: You ought to be happy. We've done this every day for the last two weeks.

MAYOR: I wish I could do it for two more weeks.

BLOSSOM: But I thought there were a whole bunch of re-openings planned?

MAYOR: Yes there are, but we only have the band rented until the end of the day. (He looks at his watch.) Whoa! I gotta leave. My wife is waiting for me at her mother's, so off I go. Bye.

[The Mayor exits the stage whistling, leaving the Girls alone.]

BUBBLES (waving): Bye, Mayor

MAYOR (off in the distance): Taxi! The Townsville massage parlor. And step on it!

[The slamming of a car door and a screeching of tires can be heard.]

BUTTERCUP: I'm glad that's over with. I'm starting to get blisters from using those scissors all the time.

BLOSSOM: You're telling me.

[As Blossom and Buttercup compare blisters, Bubbles wanders over to a stool situated on the corner of the platform.]

BUBBLES: Look, the Mayor left his clipboard.

[She grabs it off the stool and takes it over to her sisters.]

BUBBLES: There's a piece of paper attached to it.

BLOSSOM: What's it say?

BUBBLES: Made in China.

BLOSSOM: No, what does the paper say?

BUBBLES: Made in Korea.

BLOSSOM: What's written on the piece of paper?!

BUBBLES: Mayor plus Ms.Bellum.

BLOSSOM (yanking the clipboard from Bubbles hands): Give me that! (Blossom scans the paper.) It's a list of all the new buildings that are about to reopen. The first one is the police station.

BUTTERCUP: What happened to the police station?

BLOSSOM (eyeing Buttercup): How could your forget? It was all your fault. Next time use the door instead of tearing off the roof when we lock up the bad guys.

BUTTERCUP: Well, excuse me for trying!

BLOSSOM (looking at the list): Then comes the oil refinery.

BUBBLES: Again, Buttercup. 

BUTTERCUP (angrily): You two were there also!

BLOSSOM: But I distinctly said no laser vision. What did you think was going to happen? (She checks the list again.) Next one is the bowling alley.

BUBBLES: Buttercup.

BLOSSOM: Library.

BUBBLES: Buttercup.

BLOSSOM: Jewelry store.

BUBBLES: Buttercup.

BLOSSOM: Townsville Auditorium.

BUBBLES: Blossom.

BLOSSOM: Art mu….Blossom?! OK, OK, that one was mine, but at least I have a good excuse. 

BUTTERCUP: Are you kidding? You caused the entire place to riot.

BLOSSOM: When I see a couple of men in masks beating another guy with a chair, I take action.

BUTTERCUP: Those were professional wrestlers, for crying out loud! That's what they're supposed to do!

POLICE OFFICER (running to the front of the podium): There's trouble down at the bank! You're needed there, pronto!

BLOSSOM: I don't know who this Pronto is, but he's not here! We can handle it ourselves! Let's go Girls, and this time be careful! (They fly away.)

INT. TOWNSVILLE BANK - AFTERNOON

[The bank is empty except for a teller and security guard who stand in front of a large vault door. They alternate between staring at a clock and staring out the window.]

TELLER: They should be here any minute. Remember what Siegfried said, once they reach the vault make a run for it. The whole place should come down like a house of cards.

GUARD: Don't worry. I was the first one out of the Watergate Apartments in '72 and I'll be the first one out of here. They don't call me the D.C. Dash for nothing.

TELLER: Did the 'Dash' remember to memorize his lines?

GUARD: Of course. I'm a natural born actor.

TELLER: Shhhh! Here they are!

[The Powerpuff Girls burst through the door and strike their usual ready for action pose.]

BLOSSOM: All right, bad guys, give up! The Powerpuff Girls are here!

GUARD: Sorry Girls. There aren't any robbers , but it's still an emergency.

BUTTERCUP: No bad guys! Then what do you need us for?

TELLER (excitedly): Someone accidentally got locked in the vault and the automatic timer isn't set to reopen it for another twenty four hours. Hurry, do what you can to get him out!

BUBBLES: Who is it?

GUARD: Uhhh….

TELLER (whispering to her side): Follow the script.

GUARD: The Mayor

[The teller lets out a sigh as she shakes her head.]

BLOSSOM: The Mayor? I find that quite hard to believe.

GUARD (nervously): Would you believe the vice president in charge of loans?

BLOSSOM (arms folded): No, I don't think so.

GUARD (now sweating): How about a stray cat?

BUTTERCUP: What would a stray cat be doing in a bank vault?

TELLER (shrugging her shoulders): It was curious?

BLOSSOM: This conversation doesn't make any sense. I don't know what's going on, but we're not doing anything until we get some straight answers. Right, Girls?

BUTTERCUP: Right!

BLOSSOM: How about you, Bubbles? Bubbles?

[Pan to the bank vault where Bubbles is feverishly pulling on the door.]

BUBBLES: Don't worry, kitty! I'll save you!

[Bubbles groans as the reinforced titanium steel door begins to creak.]

BLOSSOM: Bubbles, stop!

[Not hearing her sister's warning, Bubbles proceeds to rip the vault door from it's moorings. She then flings it across the room and through the opposite wall. Bubbles then enters the vault searching for the cat.]

BUBBLES: Here kitty, kitty.

[She tosses around money bags in a frantic search for the cat, but comes up empty handed.]

BUBBLES: There's no cat in here. They were lying.

BUTTERCUP (poking her head inside the vault): Well, duh! If you'd just listen.

[Pan to the opposite side of the bank to where Bubbles threw the door. The rectangular hole in the wall starts to expand under the building's weight. Cracks start spreading up the walls and across the floor.]

BUTTERCUP (pointing): Bubbles did it!

BLOSSOM: Everybody, outside!

[The Girls head for the street. They turn around and watch the bank collapse to the ground. A mushroom-shaped cloud of debris fills the sky. Zoom in on the Girls.]

BUTTERCUP (sarcastically): Who didn't see that coming? 

BUBBLES (looking around): Hey, where's the teller and the guard? Are they OK?

BUTTERCUP: I saw them run out when you were yanking on the door. Man, that guard can really haul.

BLOSSOM: Almost as if they knew the bank was going to collapse.

POLICEMAN (running to the Girls): There's trouble down at the bakery! Your needed there, pronto!

BUTTERCUP: I don't know who this Pronto character is, but he's starting to get on my nerves!

BLOSSOM: We'll come back here after we check out the bakery. Those two were acting mighty suspicious. Say, officer, did the bakery mention what type of emergency it was?

POLICEMAN: As a matter of fact, no. All they said is that it was an emergency.

BLOSSOM: Just like here at the bank. We're going to try a different approach this time. Let's go!

[The Girls take flight in streaks of blue, red, and green.]

EXT. TOWNSVILLE BAKERY - LATE AFTERNOON

[Inside the bakery, conveyor belts zig-zag across the room. Each one is carrying a different item: doughnuts, croissants, loaves of bread etc. Two men, wearing chef hats, stand off to the side. Zoom in on one the chefs. He is holding an eclair up to his ear and is speaking into it.]

CHEF 1: Siegfried, these are agents X and Y reporting, come in. Siegfried, come in, over. (There's no response.) Stupid eclair. This thing never works.

AGENT Y: Try the cherry pie. It's bigger but has better reception.

[Agent Y hands Agent X a pie as he is given the eclair. Agent X holds the pie up to his ear.]

AGENT X: Come in, Siegfried. 

[He is watches his partner take a big bite from the eclair.] 

AGENT X (to himself): We lose more phones that way.

SIEGFRIED (voice coming from the pie): This is Siegfried. Report.

AGENT X: Everything is ready at this end. Have the Powerpuff Girls passed phase one?

SIEGFRIED: Phase one has been completed. Those two incompetents almost bungled the assignment and have been dealt with. Be careful on your end. The Powerpuffs may be suspicious.

AGENT X: We will succeed! KAOS does not fail!

[Agent Y jabs Agent X in the ribs and points to the door.]

AGENT Y: Thu Paapofth Gurth ah hurh.

AGENT X (to his partner): How many times has mom told you not to speak with a phone in your mouth?! We may be evil, but that's no excuse for bad manners. (into the pie) We've been duping those children for years, Siegfried. It's all routine by now. The exploding bread dough has been placed around the buildings main supports. The slightest jolt will send the whole bakery sky high.

[Agent Y swallows hard and repeats his message.]

AGENT Y: I said the Powerpuff Girls are here!

[Pan to the left where Girls, arms folded, look angrily at the men. The two agents freeze in their tracks.]

BLOSSOM: Who's Siegfried?

BUTTERCUP: What the heck is KAOS?

BUBBLES: What kind of pie is that?

AGENT X: I don't know. I don't know. Cherry. Satisfied?

BLOSSOM: No!

BUTTERCUP: No!

BUBBLES: Yes!

BLOSSOM: Bubbles!

BUBBLES: Sorry.

BLOSSOM: The Powerpuff Girls are nobody's dupes. 

SIEGFRIED (yelling from the pie): What's happening, Agent X? Has the bakery been destroyed yet?

BLOSSOM: Tell him what he wants to hear.

AGENT X: Never!

[Buttercup grabs Agent Y by his collar.] 

BUTTERCUP: Do it, or your friend gets it.

AGENT X: Is that supposed to be a threat?

AGENT Y: You better do it, or I'll tell mom!

AGENT X: All right! All right!

BUTTERCUP: What a baby. Still afraid of your momma.

AGENT X: Of course I am. She's in charge of the torture and interrogation division. That is one woman you do _not_ want to cross.

[He holds the pie back up to his ear.]

AGENT X: Everything is going according to plan. The bakery will be leveled as per your orders.

SIEGFRIED: Very good. When your mission is complete, return to the Hall immediately. The Mayor will be here shortly and Operation Grand Slam will begin. This is the most brilliant scam KAOS has ever had. It's almost too easy. Siegfried out! 

BUBBLES: You mean the pie is a phone? I have to get me one of those. Does it come in apple?

BLOSSOM: First the bank had a false emergency and now this. It's time for some answers. (to Agent X) What's Operation Grand Slam and what does it have to do with the Mayor? 

AGENT X: A KAOS agent does not squeal!

BLOSSOM: Buttercup.

[Buttercup raises Agent Y up by his collar.]

AGENT Y: Mommy!

AGENT X (falling to his knees): Please don't hurt my brother! If anything happens to him, I'll have to answer to mom! For all I know, the Mayor is only there to sign checks. Operation Grand Slam is so secret, even I don't know what it is. Honest!

BLOSSOM: Very good. Now, what's KAOS, and who's Siegfried?

INT. TOWNSVILLE UNION HALL - NIGHT

[The Mayor and Siegfried are having a private meeting at the Union Hall. They are in a large office located behind the stage. Seated behind the desk is Siegfried, his hands folded and leaning forward. He is wearing a black leather jacket. On the jacket is the KAOS emblem depicting a buzzard with its wings spread and it's feet clutching a miniature version of the world. The Mayor sits in front of the desk in a plush leather chair.] 

MAYOR: How much do you need this time? Ten million? Twenty million? Money is no object.

SIEGFRIED: Mayor, you flatter me with your offers. According to my calculations it will be six million for the bank and four million for the bakery. 

MAYOR: The bakery was destroyed, too? I didn't hear about that.

SIEGFRIED: You will.

MAYOR: I consider myself a good judge of character. If you say the bakery is going to be destroyed, I know it will. You haven't been wrong about these things yet.

SIEGFRIED: And these are small jobs, really. Building materials should be a minimum. I can have my men primed and ready for work within twenty-four hours.

MAYOR: Ten million it is then. 

[The Mayor scribbles his signature on a check and hands it over to Siegfried.]

MAYOR: I love deal making almost as much as ribbon-cutting. Too bad the oompah band isn't here.

SIEGFRIED: I believe I can handle your request.

[He presses a button on a intercom on his desk.]

SIEGFRIED: Could you assemble the union band and send them in, please?

MAYOR: Oh goody, now we can really get down to business.

SIEGFRIED: Would you care for a cigar while we wait?

MAYOR: Don't mind if I do.

[An intercom on the desk buzzes loudly.]

SIEGFRIED (answering): I told you no interruptions. 

VOICE: The Powerpuff Girls are here! What are we supposed to do?

SIEGFRIED (calmly): Resistance isn't necessary. I have nothing to hide. Show them in. (to the Mayor) Now for that cigar.

[Siegfried reaches inside his desk, pulls out a cigar, and hands it to his guest. They Mayor runs it under his nose, inhaling deeply.]

MAYOR: Mmmmm! Cuban?

SIEGFRIED: No, both of my parents are from Bavaria.

[The office door is kicked in as the Powerpuff Girls fly into the room. They hover at the side of the desk facing both Siegfried and the Mayor.]

BLOSSOM: All right, Siegfried. The jig is up. We know who you are and what you're up to.

BUTTERCUP: Watch out, Mayor! He's a spy for KAOS, the most ruthless band of cutthroats, thieves, and extortionists the world has ever seen.

SIEGFRIED: Flattery will get you nowhere.

BLOSSOM: They've had spies planted in businesses all around the city. Every time we showed up for an emergency, the place would be rigged so our powers would cause the building to collapse. The bank and the bakery were the last two places where they still had agents stashed.

BUBBLES: Then instead of using the proper materials to rebuild Townsville, KAOS sends the union cheap imitations that cost half as much.

BLOSSOM: The money they didn't spend was being funneled back to KAOS to be used in their evil schemes.

BUTTERCUP: Every building in Townsville is practically made out of paper mache'. It's a wonder anything is still standing. 

BUBBLES (waving her arms): And we still don't know what Operation Grand Slam is!

MAYOR (yelling): Hold on here a minute! (to Siegfried) There's one thing I have to know? Where's the band?!

[As soon as the Mayor finished his sentence, a twenty piece marching band proceeds to enter the room. The instruments are being played by various KAOS agents, all wearing black leather jackets with emblems the same as Siegfried's. They proceed to march through the room while playing Sousa's "Stars and Stripes Forever."]

BLOSSOM (yelling over the music): Watch out Girls, this has to be some kind of diversion. Keep an eye on Siegfried.

[As the band makes its way around the small room, the Powerpuff Girls weave between band members in an attempt to keep Siegfried from escaping. When they make their way to his desk, they find him relaxed in his chair, smiling.]

BUBBLES: You're coming with us!

SIEGFRIED: After the march is complete I will be more than happy to comply. Relax and enjoy yourselves.

[As the Girls watch closely, he spins in his chair while humming along with the music. Meanwhile, the Mayor is waving his arms to the rhythm. As a band member with a large drum strapped to his chest passes by the Mayor, he opens up the side of his instrument. A trombone player next to him grabs the Mayor and puts him inside. The drum is then closed and locked. The band keeps marching without missing a beat. When the march nears it's end, the band funnels from the room one by one until it is empty.]

BUTTERCUP: Nice try, Siegfried, but it didn't work.

[Siegfried sits silently with a wry expression on his face.]

BUTTERCUP: What's so funny?

BUBBLES (looking around the room): Where's the Mayor? He's gone?

BLOSSOM (slapping her forehead): The band! Of course! The old "kidnap the Mayor by putting him inside the drum" routine! That's the second time we've fallen for that this month! 

SIEGFRIED (yelling in a crescendo): That's right! I am now holding hostage this town's beacon of power. The man who holds the very fabric of this city together. The one person Townsville cannot do without!

BUBBLES: At least we know the Mayor's safe!

BUTTERCUP: That's a relief! 

SIEGFRIED (slamming his hand on the desk): No, no, no! Let me show you that I am serious!

[Siegfried stands and walks over to the far wall in a huff. He removes a picture of himself and Richard Nixon shaking hands in the oval office to reveal a hidden control panel that houses various colored switches.]

SIEGFRIED: Observe.

[He flicks a red switch. The paneling on the wall begins to lower. Behind it is a large, glass wall. In the now exposed adjacent room, we see the Mayor strapped to a small wooden table. The rest of the room is vacant except for a twenty foot tall golden hammer that's poised on its end along one of the walls. The claw of the hammer is attached by a metal hydraulic arm extending from the ceiling. If the arm were triggered, the head would be forced down directly to where the Mayor was tied. The Girls look on in awe.]

BUTTERCUP: That's the second biggest hammer I've ever seen!

BUBBLES: Operation Grand Slam!

SIEGFRIED: Precisely! There's nothing like a good old-fashioned hostage-taking at the end of the day to wrap up a good caper. 

BLOSSOM: What's to stop us from walking in there and rescuing him?

SIEGFRIED: Because, my dear girl, the room is protected by invisible laser beams. If any one of the beams is broken, the hydraulic arm will be activated and kaplooie! No more Mayor. Diabolical, isn't it? 

BLOSSOM: What do you want out of this?

SIEGFRIED: I want one hundred million dollars within the next two hours. Take it or leave it!

BUTTERCUP: One hundred million?! 

SIEGFRIED: What do you expect? Golden hammers don't grow on trees.

[Blossom glares at the captive Mayor. She then looks to her side, reaches over, and picks up the picture of Tricky Dick and Siegfried. She holds it up to the light and pretends to study it closely.]

BLOSSOM: Say Buttercup, do you think this picture is real or is it some type of photo manipulation?

BUTTERCUP: Huh? What are you talking about? We have more important things to….

BLOSSOM: I think this one is real. But the one waaaay over there is obviously fake. 

[Blossom points across the room. Pan to a photo hanging on the far wall showing Siegfried sitting at a kitchen table eating pancakes with Idi Amin. At the bottom of the picture is an inscription: 'Next time you have to try my waffles. They are not to be believed. Your pal, Idi.' Cut back to Siegfried.]

SIEGFRIED: What do you mean fake?

[He walks to the far side of the room and removes the picture. He looks at it and grins.]

SIEGFRIED: I remember it like it was yesterday. The pancakes had blueberries in them. The syrup was maple. Later that afternoon we went to the lake and tripped old ladies as they walked by. Those were the days.

[Pan to the Girls. Buttercup is staring at Blossom with an inquisitive look on her face. Blossom shakes her head in Siegfried's direction. Buttercup points at herself, squints her eyes, and silently mouths the word "me?" Blossom nods. Buttercup sighs and floats to Siegfried's side.]

BUTTERCUP (flatly): Wow, that sounds interesting. Please, tell me more.

SIEGFRIED: I had quite a time during my stay, but there was this one occasion when I played croquet with Saddam Hussein….

[As Siegfried keeps talking, Buttercup steals a glance behind her. She sees Bubbles using her laser vision to produce a minute beam that is cutting a circle in the glass. She returns to the conversation.]

SIEGFRIED: ….and that's when I discovered that we had a birthmark in the same place. How embarrassing! (He hangs the picture back up.) Now where was I?

BUTTERCUP: Say! Have you ever met anyone evil that I may have actually heard of? I mean, come on, these other guys are for the history books.

SIEGFRIED (rubbing his chin): Let's see? Ah, yes. One time I had the opportunity to meet the man who played Boss Hogg on the 'Dukes of Hazzard.' You have heard of the 'Dukes of Hazzard?'

BUTTERCUP: Sure, who hasn't?

SIEGFRIED: Funny thing about that man. He seemed so evil on TV. Then when I actually met him I found out that he was….

[Buttercup glances out of the corner of her eye to see that a hole had been made in the glass wall. Blossom is using her ice breath to create a cold fog, thus exposing where the laser beams are criss-crossing the room. She looks back at Siegfried.]

SIEGFRIED: ….I couldn't believe it! Uncle Jessie was more evil than the rest of the cast combined! Imagine that! 

[Looking back for a third time, Buttercup sees Bubbles using her laser vision and, avoiding the exposed beams, she targets the Mayor's bindings, releasing him. The Mayor stands next to the table, adjusts his hat, and waves to the Girls.] 

MAYOR: Yoo Hoo! Girls! 

[Siegfried, hearing the Mayor, spins around to see him standing next to the table, still waving. He runs up to the glass wall and starts yelling.]

SIEGFRIED: Guards! He's escaping! (turning to the Girls) You three better not make a move either. I have enough firepower between here and the exit to stop ten of you!

BLOSSOM (with a smirk): It's not the guns I'd be worried about. When was the Hall built?

SIEGFRIED: Last year. Why?

BLOSSOM: And I suppose it was done with union labor?

SIEGFRIED: Of course it was! Who do you think….would….have……..Oh no! You wouldn't dare!

BUBBLES (sing-song): Oh, Mayorrrr. I have a present for youuuu.

[Bubbles holds up a cigar and waves it in front of the glass.]

MAYOR: My cigar! Thanks, Bubbles!

BUBBLES: No need to thank me. Here, catch.

SIEGFRIED: Noooo!

[Bubbles tosses the cigar to the Mayor through the hole she had made in the glass. During it's flight, the cigar breaks several of the beams, which in turn triggers the hammer. Crashing down to where the Mayor was once strapped, it creates a huge hole in the floor, shaking the entire building in the process. The Mayor, oblivious to the commotion, leisurely strolls out the door while lighting his cigar.]

SIEGFRIED (turning to the Girls): Are you three crazy?! We've got to get out of here! Do you have any idea what this building is made of?! 

BUTTERCUP: From what we've heard, it's not much stronger than your backbone.

SIEGFRIED: You may have stopped Operation Grand Slam, but I have more than one trick up my sleeve. KAOS is always prepared for such eventualities. Good-bye.

[He reaches over to the control panel and hits a white switch. A large trap door opens up underneath the Powerpuff Girls. Since the Girls were already hovering in the air, the surprise did not have its intended effect.] 

BUTTERCUP: A trap door? How lame.

SIEGFRIED (looking over the panel): My mistake. Hold on a second, let me try the green one. 

[He hits another switch which triggers a trap door underneath him. The door, instead of snapping open, sluggishly begins to release. Siegfried feverishly stomps on the floor to hasten his escape as bits of plaster begin to fall from the ceiling.]

SIEGFRIED (yelling): Open, darn you! (stomping) Stupid, cheap piece of KAOS junk!

BUBBLES: He's slowly getting away! 

SIEGFRIED (now halfway through the trap door): Don't forget about your precious Mayor! He could be anywhere in the building by now. Surely you wouldn't want anything to happen to him?

BLOSSOM: He's right! There's no time! Everybody, search and rescue, on the double!

[Pan to the door. The Girls exit the room and take flight in opposite directions. As soon as they clear the door, the ceiling caves in behind them.]

[Cut to the street. An endless line of KAOS agents in handcuffs are being led to a waiting police bus. In the background are the flattened remnants of the Union Hall. The Powerpuff Girls are standing next to a squad car looking upwards at the billowing clouds of dust.]

BUBBLES: I like the way the dust is turning the sky a pretty shade of red.

BLOSSOM: It is beautiful, but my favorite was when the paint factory exploded.

BUTTERCUP: That was great! Eight square blocks of yellow with green polka dots. I may be rough around the edges, but I know art when I see it.

BUBBLES: How about the jewelry store? All those gems reflecting the sun beams as they flew across the sky. It was like a giant rainbow.

[All three Girls close their eyes and smile as they picture the vivid spectacle.]

POWERPUFF GIRLS: Aaaaaahhhhh!

[The Mayor works his way up to the trio, disturbing their colorful thoughts.]

MAYOR: Girls, I don't know how to thank you enough for rescuing me from that awful man. 

BUBBLES: Just doing our job, Mayor.

MAYOR: I can't believe that Siegfried was an evil spy all this time. He sure had me fooled. Too bad he escaped. (scratching his head) I wonder whatever happened to him anyhow?

BUTTERCUP: He had the whole town fooled for years. If he wasn't so greedy he would've got away without anyone catching on to his plans.

BUBBLES: All bad guys get greedy. That's why we always win. 

BLOSSOM: He should have known that evil never triumphs over the forces of goodness and niceness.

BUTTERCUP: Yeah, nobody can beat the Powerpuff Girls! (She starts flexing her muscles.) Why, I'd like to see anyone try to get the better of us!

[As Buttercup puts on a posing display, the now loaded police bus creeps up directly behind her. A loud blast from its horn sends a startled Buttercup hurtling into her sisters, sending all three tumbling head over heels. They eventually land in a heap amidst the rubble of the former Hall.]

BUTTERCUP (rubbing the back of her neck): Sunday driver! Who does he think he is?

[Cut to the interior of the bus. From the front looking back, we see KOAS agents filling the seats. All are wearing black leather jackets and handcuffs. They begin to chant in unison.]

AGENTS: We are KAOS, tried and true! We're rotten, mean, and evil too!

[Pan back to the bus driver. It is Siegfried disguised as a police officer. He smiles broadly as he looks in the rear view mirror at the agents.]

SIEGFRIED: Those are my boys! 

END 


End file.
